I'm going to jail i love you
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
