im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
