Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
