I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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