you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
