i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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