i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
