my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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