You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Watching her eat just hurts me
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
