he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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