I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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