If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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