I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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