He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
