Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
