someone threw a dead crab at me
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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