He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
