No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
