I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
bring money and cleavage
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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