eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
i've created a new STD.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
