She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
