my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
