guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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