It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
