Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
