my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
