the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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