I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
