So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
