Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
