Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
