i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize