Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
