Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You can't special order awesome
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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