i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
