i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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