I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
