census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
