So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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