one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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