last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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