Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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