I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
