i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
