Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize