Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
