Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
