i just google imaged poop.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
