he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
