just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
