OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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