you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
