Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
