Whod you bang
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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