i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
