where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize