quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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