you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
