the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I've blown a few things in my day
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
