don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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