he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
