i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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