I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
