Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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