I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
