i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
