Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
