The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
