May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
