I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
ugly people sure do ruin things
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize