I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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