At least make sure they are 18
Why
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
