Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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