Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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