he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
