She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
