I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
