I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
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