I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
