Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
