Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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