I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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