My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
