Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
